he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize