Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Randomize
