So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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