so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
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