real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
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