What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Randomize
