i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
