If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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