I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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