I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
