the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
