it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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