i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
