Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
