i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
