Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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