The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Randomize
