While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
