chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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