is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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