The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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