So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
