I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
