I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
