I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
