When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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