He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
