wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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