evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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