hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
