Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Randomize
