I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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