Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
