listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize