Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
