i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Randomize
