how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
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