Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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