Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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