the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
