i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
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