he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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