Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
