in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
