I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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