i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
