I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize
