so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
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