I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
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