That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
