So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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