Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Randomize
