An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize