Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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