Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
