so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
