my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
