I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
