you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
