I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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