I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
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