So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Randomize
