she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
