I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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