Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize