Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
