she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
it was like eating out sand paper
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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