well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize