theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
