Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
