Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
Randomize
