i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
