Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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