I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
