Whod you bang
Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Small penises have feelings too.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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