P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
I cut my penus on the lid.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
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