@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
