There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
