I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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