Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
