I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
its liver damage thursday
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
