i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
