i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
