How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Randomize
