had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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