I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
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