We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
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