My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Randomize
