You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Randomize
