I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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