i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
