Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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