No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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