before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
