Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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