He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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