I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
