I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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