i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
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