i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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